


Spacewalking 101

by Enchantable



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Episode Fix-it, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-04-23 07:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19146514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchantable/pseuds/Enchantable
Summary: Fix it Fic's for various episodes in season 1





	1. 1x03: Alex Stays

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt: hi! i love your writing!! if it's okay, can you please write a bit of a canon divergent fic for 1x03 where alex decides to push his fears aside and stay and allow michael to reveal their relationship to isobel when she turns up??

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Michael asks.

“Yes!” Alex says.

Michael’s face falls and then shuts down. But the panic has already set in. He can hear the car getting closer and he looks around desperately as Michael shakes his head. He knows he’s disappointed him and he’ll deal with that, but right now he has to get out of there before anyone sees him.

“Guerin—“

“Forget it,” Michael snaps, pulling his jeans up.

“No!” Michael turns at his voice, “I can’t find—“ he looks around, he’s not going to fucking fall apart, “I can’t find my—“

“Your what?” Michael’s frustration is gone, or pushed back, replaced by concern that Alex doesn’t want to see on his face. He doesn’t need anyone’s pity. Least of all a man that his father maimed, “what can’t you find?”

He really is useless.

Alex feels something give viciously in his stomach. It’s completely pathetic that he’s sitting here trying not to sob because the lubricant for his sleeve is impossible to find in the tangle of blankets. These stupid little things keep setting him off. It’s a wonder that anyone wanted to be around him at all, broken as he is, and now he’s gone and shown the truth. Michael is going to be out that door in a second. Alex knows it’s a weakness, that he has to leave first. But at least then he doesn’t have to hear about how unlovable he is. How broken. How he can’t even fucking leave the bed now.

“There’s a lubricant,” he gets out.

“Okay,” Michael says, grabbing his jacket and handing it to him to look through. He looks through the bed. “I don’t see it,” he says, “what was in it? I might have something that works.”

“I don’t—“ he whips towards the door as the sound of the car stopping echoes. 

“Hang on,” Michael says and opens the door just enough to get his head around, “now’s a bad time Iz!”

“God, Michael, gross. Is she almost dressed?”

“Uh uh, you gotta go. No walks of shame from the air stream—“

“Well she’s obviously walking away from an air stream so—“

“So she doesn’t need to see you leaning there with that expression. Off you go.”

The car starts and Alex buries his face in his hoodie. He’s not going to break down here. His problem is always that once he gets past a certain point it’s impossibly hard to stop. The door closes and he knows that Michael is watching him. He does his best to scrub his face. This is fine. He’ll take advantage of however long he has and it won’t be that bad. The lubricant just makes it more comfortable, it’s not a necessity. He doesn’t know why he forgot that.

Michael crouches in front of him.

“I’m fine.” He says, fumbling with the sleeve before Michael puts his hands on his leg, “it’ll be fine for a minute,” he says, “I have to get out of here before someone sees—“

“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Michael protests.

“I don’t care,” Alex says, “let go,” Michael’s hands aren’t moving, “Guerin let go!”

“Not if you’re gonna hurt yourself!” Michael repeats, his voice rising to match his, “Alex stop!”

“No!”

He pushes Michael off of him and fumbles the sleeve up, shoving his leg in. He staggers to his feet. Shirt, he needs a shirt. The car is coming back any second and he needs a shirt before it gets here. In his haste he knocks something over and the bang of it hitting the ground makes him jump and smack a hand over his mouth. He’s seventeen again. He expects that bang to be followed by a scream, by his dad, by everything that happened the last time someone found him with Michael in a place like this.

“Alex, Alex!” Michael turns him around, both hands clapped onto his shoulders, “look at me, look at me, I’m right here. We’re fine, okay? We’re fine. We’re not doing anything wrong.” He shakes his head, “yes,” Michael says, “it’s Isobel. It’s my sister. That’s it.”

“I’m not ready,” he blurts out.

“Not ready for what?” Michael asks, concern and confusion on his face as he looks at him, “Alex—“

“I can’t even walk,” Alex gets out.

“But,” Michael’s brows draw together in confusion. He looks around the air stream and at the bed where they’ve been spending most of their time. Without any clothes on. Alex waits for the lightbulb moment. The disgust. “Have you done this—“

“Not since,” he says.

“What?” Michael stares at him, that look of confusion and offense coming onto his face. Michael is so smart, sometimes it taking a moment for him to understand is personally offensive to him, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to be normal,” Alex says.

Michael gives a snort of laughter but there’s a self deprecating edge to it that now has Alex being in confusion. He doesn’t know why normal is funny to Michael but at the moment he can’t puzzle that. He tries to focus on anything but the panic and he picks the thumbs Michael is rubbing against his elbows. Michael’s already been hurt. He’s already missing his leg. The damage is already done. Michael pulls him close and presses their foreheads together moments before the car pulls up. Alex pulls away and fumbles into his hoodie. His prosthetic might not be comfortable but he doesn’t feel like being naked now.

“Hang on,” Michael says and opens the door, “Iz—“

“No! Get rid of her this is important!” Isobel says, “don’t give me that look. There’s plenty of girls around here who don’t know what a full shirt is for you to be disgusting with.”

“I’m serious Iz this isn’t a good time!” Michael says, his voice taking on an angry, defensive tone.

“Are you embarrassed to have your big sister see who you brought home?” She asks.

“Iz!”

Alex keeps himself standing as the door bangs open and Isobel comes in. He tries not to feel naked even though he’s fully dressed as she finally sees him. Surprise goes over her features before, in an arguably impressive display, Michael hauls himself over the edge of the steps and puts himself in between Alex and Isobel. Alex fights the knot of panic and grips Michael’s elbow, pulling him back. Isobel watches the exchange silently. Thoughtfully. Then she focuses in on Michael.

“You brought a war hero back to your sex dungeon on wheels?” She demands, “how do you even fit on that bed?”

Alex realizes the second part was directed at him.

“Uh—“

“He’s not that much taller!” Michael says defensively, “the bed fits. Can you please go? And not tell anyone?” Alex frowns, “she can keep a secret, trust me, no one knows she ties Noah up.”

“Michael!”

“Everyone in this family has a sex dungeon. It’s an advantage of having someone who gets handcuffs for free. Please go.”

“At least mine has actual window shades!” Isobel throws over her shoulder, “it was nice to see you Alex,” she adds.

It’s a weird sensation. Alex finds he’s not comfortable with any of this. Not at all. Michael looks equally uncomfortable. But when he goes to move his hand, Alex grabs it. Michael grips his fingers back, turning to face him fully. He squeezes his hands and then frowns, letting go and moving over to the bed, ducking down. Alex frowns at the sight of something pink and shimmery from deep under the bed but Michael drops the blankets back and When he comes up, there’s a tube. He comes back over.

“You don’t have to go,” he says, “but I don’t want you hurting,” he tells him.

Alex grips his shoulder as he maneuvers over to the chair, rolling his pants up and easing the sleeve down and carefully applying the stuff around his limb. Michael watches with that same curiosity and Alex focuses on the task when he speaks.

“You got in front of me,” he says.

“Yeah—“

“You can’t do that if my dad finds out,” he tells him, looking up, “I’m serious, Guerin, I don’t want you being—“ he can’t say the words, “are you sure she’s not going to tell?”

Michael gives him a long, hard look. Alex tries to think if Isobel was a gossip in high school but he can’t remember. Or maybe he’s just too drained by everything. Michael shakes his head and turns. Alex knows Michael’s defensive about his siblings, especially Isobel. But he knows that all it will take is a rumor for his dad to start in. Who knows what he’ll do this time now that Alex wears the uniform. He’s expecting Michael to wizen up or something. What he isn’t expecting is for him to go back under the bed and come over with a piece of shimmering blue and pink glass. Alex recognizes it instantly from a display in the UFO Emporium. A trick he could never figure out. A thousand questions pile in his head and catch behind his teeth as Michael looks at him, something serious in his face. More serious that Alex has seen in a long time.

“Yeah,” he says, “I’m sure she’s not gonna tell.”


	2. 1x09: Alex doesn't walk away part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Prompt: Prompt: Canon divergent of 1x09 when Malex see each other again. Maybe Alex doesn’t walk away when he realizes how afraid Guerin is of him doing just that... again. Whatever you want to write/can picture out of it. That scene broke me a little bit with Michael whispering “is this really how it ends?” like he was desperate for Alex to really see him/understand him/love him. I LOVE YOUR WRITING! THANK YOU.

Alex has just realized he needs something a lot stronger than beer when Michael saunters in.

There have been moments like this in his life before, moments of realization and epiphany that are so life altering he can’t imagine being the same person he was before he knew them. The self blame is easy. He’s pretty great at it. The truth is the truth. Alex has never been one of those people who believes it’s subjective. Somethings true or it’s not, there is no grey area. He is still trying to wrap his head around the truth when the biggest lie of his life saunters in wearing a black hat and a smirk and sits next to him. Alex’s only thought is that he has to get out of there. He can’t get drunk and risk spilling the truth, not to anyone here and especially not to Michael. He tries to get out and Michael picks this, of all times, to come after him.

“Is this really how it ends?” Michael says, like he hasn’t been lying to Alex’s face every moment of every second since the day they met. He has no right to look as anguished as he does. He smiles, but it’s tortured, “the sex was epic.”

Alex feels sick.

He’s had sex that is literally out of this world, because that sex was with an actual alien. All the movies he’s seen that have scenes of probing flash before his eyes. None apply, thank god, but that doesn’t make it better. He’s had sex with an alien, but more importantly he’s had sex with someone who lied to him the whole time. Does the man he loved even exist? Michael leans forward and Alex forces himself not to react. He refuses to give Michael even this fraction of something. He’ll keep his hurt if that’s the only thing he gets.

“So shouldn’t the breakup involves some pyrotechnics? Scream? Break some stuff?”

Alex decides he’s going to kill him. That’s all there is to it. He’s going to kill him because this beautiful, smug, god damn telekinetic alien is standing in front of him asking if he’s going to break stuff. Michael is a genius but Alex isn’t stupid and he wants to question when Michael forgot that. Does he think Alex’s brain is in the desert with the rest of his leg and a few pints of his blood? His brain is fine, he’s undergone a lot of testing after everything. He’s fine. But apparently Michael thinks otherwise.

“Really make it feel over,” Michael says, his voice dropping.

This close, it’s impossible not to look at all of him. He’s shades of honey and gold and Alex wonders how it’s possible to love and hate someone in the same way, at the same moment, in the same breath. He’s been betrayed before, but it’s always been easier to switch off the love portion. He’s always been able to guard himself against the pain. He takes what he can when the truth comes out. But there’s no satisfaction, no promise of anything soothing. There’s just Michael and all of his sharp edges. Alex can see the plea underneath, the same look he always gets when they reach this moment and have given everything they have to what is between them. The moment before they have to push apart and return to whatever they came from. Before they do it all over again.

“Sometimes the world ends with a whimper, Guerin.”

He knows the exact moment he breaks Michael’s heart, but there’s no satisfaction in it. Actually the look on Michael’s face is an exact mirror of what he’s feeling. Only Michael wears his heart on his sleeve and Alex has long since learned to tuck it away. He’s hurt Michael in the same instant as he’s being hurt by him. It’s a low, bully move. But Roswell does that to people, it brings out the worst and the hurt. He pulls away and makes it almost to the door before he glances back and sees that Michael is still standing there.

He looks lost.

Alex never looks back. His mom told him that looking back only made you want what was left behind. Michael looks small and lost as he stands there, he looks like he doesn’t know where to go now. Alex thinks of that kid sitting in the back of his truck, the one who couldn’t fathom why anyone would be nice to him just because. He thinks of his father and what that kindness cost Michael in the end. The bullied become bullies, that’s always how it’s supposed to go. The good ones like Kyle fight back but it’s a part of you. He knows Michael played  an instrumental role in keeping him from that. All the hurt parts of him say to go and leave him standing there.

Alex storms back over.

“So the world—“

“I know,” he says and everything stops.

Maybe the world has ended.

Michael’s has. All the color drains out of his face before he actually has the audacity to smile that stupid smile. Only now Alex can see it for the lie that it is. His whole posture changes as he tries to inflate, make himself bigger like that’s going to cover the lie. It’s a bullshit, well honed move but Michael still tries.

“You know what?” He says.

“Oh spare me,” Alex says and look purposefully at the movie poster for Cowboys & Aliens that MiMi hung up the year they all turned legal, “the hats a nice touch.”

It’s a struggle to keep up but he lets Michael drag him out of the bar, pausing only long enough to grab his hat though Alex isn’t sure he’s close enough for it. It occurs to him that he’s being dragged out by a literal cowboy alien. But it’s less funny when Michael gets them into the alleyway and makes sure he’s got his feet under him. Any mask he has on falls away as he stares at him, looks away and then looks back at him. Alex doesn’t expect an explanation from him. He isn’t sure he wants one. Or that there is even one to give. How the hell do you explain something like this?

“How do you know?” Michael asks.

“Massive government conspiracy,” Alex says, “I’ve known for months.”

Some of the color comes back into Michael’s face.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” Michael demands, stepping forward. Alex steps back. Everything shifts and Michael becomes small again, “are you afraid of me?” Michael asks, toying with the edge of his hat.

“No!” Alex says, “would you stop doing that? You lied to me for our entire relationship—“

“That’s not—“ Michael cuts in.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out? This whole town thought I was stupid, I never thought that you felt the same way—“ he keeps going.

“Alex—“ Michael’s face goes from scared to confused.

“But I guess it makes sense, I couldn’t protect you from my father so why would you—“

“Alex, stop!”

The dumpster lid bangs shut, making Alex whip around. He looks from the lid to Michael, whose eyes move from the lid to him. It’s one thing to read it on paper, it’s another for Michael’s powers to occur in front of him. The thing that keeps rolling through his mind, even more than the fact that Michael is an alien and thinks he would never notice, is the fact that Michael hasn’t used his powers. If Alex had the powers that he has, his father would never lay a hand on him. But he’s watched his father literally break Michael’s hand with a hammer and nothing happened. Michael is looking at him with complete horror.

“You think you couldn’t protect me?” He says.

Alex blows out a breath.

“We’re not talking about that,” he says.

“The hell we’re not,” Michael shoots back, “what did you mean—“

“We’re talking about you being an alien,” he cuts him off.

Michael shuts his mouth and Alex wonders, belatedly, if that’s somehow a bad term. Michael hates being called all sorts of things. But figuring out if alien is off limits is, admittedly, not a bridge that Alex ever thought that they would have to cross. He can see the spark of that same defiance as the kid who tried to deny a sleeping bag was his bed. Back then maybe secrets were okay between them but this, this is something else. Alex wishes he could logic his way out of the hurt, but he knows that isn’t how the world works.

“What?” Alex says, knowing that he’s not going to get answers if Michael shuts down more.

“It’s weird hearing you say that,” Michael says carefully.

“You’d be used to it if you told me the truth!” Alex says.

Michael is suddenly a lot closer and his back is literally against the wall. Alex was determined to rip the band aide off and walk away, not call Michael out on is bullshit. He doesn’t give him anything and pulls himself up to his full—and slightly higher—height. It doesn’t seem to bother Michael as much as it’s important to get him to understand. Alex would be annoyed if he wasn’t trying to not be affected by Michael’s proximity and contact.

“If you know, then you know why I couldn’t tell you,” Michael says, his eyes searching for the truth.

“I wouldn’t have said anything,” he says.

Michael gives him a look and Alex has to admit he might have a point. Nothing is ever a secret in this place for long. Except, apparently, stuff like that. He refuses to admit that though.

“I wanted to tell you,” Michael says.

“But you didn’t,” Alex shoots back.

“Not like you were around much,” Michael says and Alex opens his mouth, “you were trying to protect me.”

“I said we weren’t talking about that,” Alex snaps.

“You can’t win every argument from now on with ‘but you didn’t tell me you were an alien, Michael’,” he says, his eyes searching Alex’s face intently. He doesn’t know how the air is suddenly electrified.

“Watch me,” Alex shoots back.

Michael dives forward closing the already minuscule space between them, but Alex is dragging him forward already. Kissing an alien with full knowledge of what they are is, as it turns out, secondary to kissing a man you’re in love with. Michael’s lips are warm and dry and he tastes like cheap whiskey. The stronger stuff that Alex was thinking about leaving to go and get. Michael pushes him back against the wall, intent on kissing him senseless but his arm remains shoved there, just to make sure Alex can balance. They never kiss in public and somehow the adrenaline of it makes Alex weak in the knees.

“Door,” he pants out.

“On it,” Michael says and there’s the sound of a lock turning before their back to kissing each other.

His leg is going to kill him and they have a lot they need to talk about, but Alex can only think of Maria’s description of not bringing Michael home to his non existent mother, especially as he fights to stay quiet when Michael kisses his neck and works a leg in between his. Alex grips his shoulders and tries not to moan as Michael pushes them together. He may or may not have had several fantasies about something along these lines. So for the moment, he puts all the other stuff aside and focuses instead on kissing the man holding him up against the wall.

The lights go out.

All of them.

“God damn it,” Michael breathes against his neck and then turns, “what?!” He snarls over his shoulder.

“We need to talk,” Max says, “it’s about Isobel.”

In the dark Michael’s hands tighten on him, even as a Alex prepares to go. Isobel is Michael’s sister and despite everything, Alex knows that means the world to Michael. But Michael’s hands hold firm and the leg still pressed in between Alex’s doesn’t move. His eyes go from Max to Alex, Alex nods to show it’s okay. Michael steps back and they rearrange their clothing and as many signs of what they were doing as possible. Alex accepts Michael’s arm for balance as they make their way over to Max. He and Max acknowledge each other quickly, but before he can move past them Michael grabs his hand.

“Alex knows so he can stay,” he says. Max looks less than thrilled, “He’s a spy, like he’s not going to be just as helpful as the geek squad.”

Max looks at him and Alex wonders if it’s normal to be just as taken aback by having his hand held as it is to be in a staring contest with an alien. Two aliens.

“There’s a healer in Texas who might be like us,” Max says.

Make that three.


	3. 1x09: Alex doesn’t walk away part 2 aka Alex goes to Texas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original prompt: with liz working on the serum its alex who goes to the faith healer with maria and gets answers about aliens as well! love everything you have written for this show as well its all amazing!

**“** You literally hate everything I love!” Michael erupts and Alex has to fight the urge to laugh.

The brothers confer and Alex looks back to the line of people. He doesn’t believe this woman for a second. But he also didn’t believe in aliens as of twenty four hours ago. There’s a sharp divide though. The people he knows are aliens don’t charge for their services. Michael comes over to him.

“Come on, we’re gonna entrap her.”

“She said healing, Guerin,” he says, “I don’t think regrowing limbs counts.”

Michael sighs and holds his hand up in response.

Oh.

They join the queue. Alex has been taught to read people’s body language. Michael always hides his hand in subtle ways. Ways that wouldn’t draw attention to it. Especially around Alex. Now he doesn’t seem to know what to do with it. He tries shoving it into his pocket or gripping it with his other hand. Alex wants to go over to Max and Maria and call it off. They’ll ask about his leg, this chick is clearly full of crap. But he can’t take Michael fidgeting like this, looking worse and worse as they get closer, his grin growing wide as he tries to look like   he won’t be sick. He’s hopeful or nervous and Alex isn’t sure which.

So he takes Michael’s hand in his.

Michael goes stone still and whips to look at him. Alex has to fight not to be nauseous. He’s touched Michael’s hand before, but it’s always been gentle and light. Taking it in his own, he can feel everything. The mangled bones that are definitely not where they’re supposed to be, the skin that’s healed puckered and thick. He saw Michael’s bones that night, they both did,  Alex doesn’t know if the skin looks like this because of that or because of whatever Michael did to try and close the wound. He thought that he didn’t go to the hospital because of money or the system. Not because he’s a fucking alien. An alien with a brother who can heal, which is a whole other thing. Michael is silent as they approach but relaxes into his old bullshit as the healer stands in front of them.

“I want to try the whole rockstar thing before I’m thirty,” He says and Alex has to fight to keep a straight face again.

“This a terrible injury,” the healer says, taking Michaels hand. Alex watches as his throat bobs. This feels like a violation, “to heal this you have to reopen the wound in your mind,” she says, “all the pain you’ve hid there.”

Alex watches Michael’s expression shift.

It’s incredible how much of the time Michael spends pretending to be something else. To feel something else. The pain in his face cracks through and he looks down, running his tongue over his bottom lip before taking his hand back. Alex tears his eyes away as the woman continues to speak but keeps looking at Michael. Michael keeps his eyes away from Alex and has his hand tucked into his lap, the fingers laying there limply like they, too, are exhausted with the facade.

“What about you?” The woman asks.

“Oh I got my leg blown off by an IED,” he says, “excuse us.”

They get outside and he grabs Michael’s wrist and pulls him away from everyone else. Maria and Max still have their turn with her. But the mission seems to be less important for once. Michael doesn’t have his walls up as fast as usual. Alex isn’t sure he’s seen them down like this since high school. The healers words tumble over and over in his head. Pain Michael hid in the injury. Michael opens his mouth and starts to shift into his de facto persona but Alex refuses to let that continue. He’s done.

“Why didn’t you let Max heal you?”

Whatever Michael is about to say dies on his lips. His entire body shifts. Alex forces himself not to react, he feels like he’s seeing a new side of Michael. Maybe he is. He can say he’s seeing past Michael’s walls to who he used to be, but the truth is more complicated than that. On one hand he knows Michael, but it’s an abstract way. Not in the way that he knows other people. Michael’s had the ability to heal his hand this entire time. There is a reason it still looks like that.

“Guerin,” He says.

“Why do you care?” Michael demands, going for combative, “it doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters,” Alex says, “that happened because you were trying to protect me.”

Michael looks away and tightens his jaw. When he turns back, his eyes are on Alex’s feet and it feels like the dirt gives out.

“For all the good that did,” Michael says.

Alex inhales sharply. It’s a fair turn, being called out for his leg after he’s spent a solid twenty four hours calling Michael out for lying to him about being an alien. The alien thing still feels abstract, but this is familiar ground. Ground that is shaky at best, ground Alex was fully prepared to walk away from and save them the pain of staying on.  The core of their problems has always been embarrassingly human.

“I don’t want you in pain because of my choices,” Alex says and the sound Michael makes is truly heartbreaking, “we didn’t even know each other that well! We connected like something—“

“Cosmic?” Michael supplies and Alex looks away.

“You’re not the only one who was trying to protect someone they loved,” Alex says.

Michael steps forward and Alex holds his ground as Michael sweeps his bright eyes over him before locking their gazes together.

“And you’re not the only one whose in pain because of what you did,” he says. The pain in Alex’s chest makes him wonder how they were kissing last night. How he felt relieved that they could have the truth out in the open. Michael looks equally wrecked at this turn of events, more unsure than Alex has ever seen him. Alex almost wants Max to come and end this but it’s Michael that pulls away, “I need a drink,” he mutters and walks off before Alex can call him back.

Michael avoids him the rest of the night.

At least until they’re all good and liquored up and Alex gets out of there before he has to watch Michael shimmy with strange girls while Maria turns the bar into a karaoke party. He’s not ready for any of this but he’s really, really not ready for the stab of jealousy he feels towards his friend. Maria is so good. Alex can barely sing in the shower without being sure someone’s going to come in and attack him. Of course when he gets outside he’s not alone for long.

“Don’t tell me you spend your nights out in the parking lot,” he says.

“Only when there’s someone I like out here,” Michael says and Alex rolls his eyes.

“Does that line actually work?” He says.

“You tell me.”

Alex shakes his head and grabs the blanket he came out here for. Michael watches him. Alex gets onto the sand and looks at Michael. To his credit, it only takes him a moment to scramble after him. Alex isn’t sure why he invites Michael. Why he can’t just walk. The healer’s words echo over and over in his head. The wound is in Michael’s mind. Maybe he can’t be healed without that. His father may have used the hammer but it doesn’t take Alex’s level of genius to know how much of a hand he has in the mind part of the wound.

“So how are you doing with the whole alien thing?” Michael asks. Alex raises an eyebrow, “Liz flipped. She’s the only one who knows,” Michael tries to look casual and it does come off better when he’s drunk, Alex realizes, “and she and Max aren’t together or anything. So—“ He rocks on his heels.

“You mean am I mad at you?” Alex says. He shakes his head at Michael small nod, “no, Guerin, I’m not mad at you. I wouldn’t have trusted seventeen year old me with something like that.”

“I mean I did,” Michael says, “trust you,” he adds, “I trusted you. I came over didn’t I?”

“Because I figured out you were living in your truck,” Alex says.

“Yeah but I trusted you after that,” Michael shoots back.

Alex rolls his eyes but there’s no anger in the gesture. He finds a clean spot and drops the blanket, easing himself down and laying back. The warm hit of alcohol makes this far more pleasant. He wishes he didn’t understand why the men in his family were so prone to alcoholism. After a moment, Michael lays down next to him and looks up at the sky.

“Do you know which one’s yours?” He asks.

Michael laughs harshly.

“Is that a stupid question?”

“Nah,” He says, “you’re just the first person to ask it,” he looks up, “I don’t know exactly. I know given how our ship came down, if it’s in a straight trajectory—and it’s probably not—it’s somewhere over there,” he says and points in a direction. Alex cranes his neck, following Michael’s finger, “not accounting for rotation.”

Alex frowns at the upset feeling before he realizes his words.

“I called your crash sight Santa’s workshop,” he says.

Michael looks away and then looks back at him, trying to not look pained. But Alex sees that same glimmer of the expression on his face. How many stupid comments has he made about the aliens? About the crash sight?

“God I’m so sorry,” he says.

“Hey it’s okay,” Michael cuts in, “You didn’t know.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Alex argues, “I’m sorry,” he repeats, “I wouldn’t have said that if I knew.”

Michael gives him a hard look and then accepts the apology with a nod.

“You’re probably the only person whose got a right to say I should get off your land,” Michael says.

“Wait, was that a Native American joke?” Alex says.

“It was an observation,” Michael says, “give it a couple days, you’ll be making alien jokes in no time.”

Alex shakes his head. He can’t help the smile though. Michael’s charm is a dangerous, dangerous thing. They’re out here drunk laying on a blanket looking at the stars and despite everything, Alex has to fight not to let the air get too charged between them. It’s so much harder than it should be, all things considered. He should be mad at Michael for so many things and Michael should hate him for even more.  But out here on the blanket in the middle of the desert it’s nice.

“Were the stars different? Over there?”

“I was still in the northern hemisphere,” he says.

“I knew that,” Michael says, screwing up his face, “I knew that,” he repeats, “you just felt really far.”

So much for not letting it become electric.

Alex looks at him and meets Michael’s eyes across the blanket.

“So did you.” Michael’s throat works, “I missed you,” Alex confesses and surprise breaks across Michael’s features.

“You did?” He nods, “I thought—“

“I know.”

“But you said—“

“I’m a good liar now,” Alex says, self loathing slipping into his voice. Michael cringes, “you’re still miserable at it,” Alex adds.

“You didn’t know I was an alien,” Michael points out.

“I figured it out,” Alex reminds him.

Michael shakes his head and Alex realizes they’ve gotten so close he can almost feel Michael’s curls against his forehead. It’s been a rollercoaster twenty four hours. In spite of everything he knows and everything he doesn’t, he tracks Michaels’s gaze easily to his lip and back to his eyes. It’s been a whirlwind twenty four hours but Alex finds it laughably easy to push himself up and close the distance between them, kissing Michael again. Michael’s arms come around him and pull him close and despite the chill in the air, Alex finds he’s never felt warmer.

It’s the first time he’s had sex outdoors.

It’s strange and wonderful and he’s never loved Michael’s fever hot skin more. In the morning he wakes up with Michael pressed to his back, face buried in his shoulders. Alex flings his arm over his eyes and gropes for something to block the sun.

“You should get one,” Michael says when he gives the hat back.

“I think that’s more your look,” Alex says, flicking the brim.

They make it back to town and drop off Max and Maria. Michael pulls up in front of his air stream and looks at Alex.

“You’re okay going down a ladder right?” He says, “I want to show you something.”

Alex nods and Michael hooks up the air stream, moving it away from a manhole cover that would blend perfectly with their surroundings. Alex as seen the tacked up drawings of a spaceship, it’s one of the things he always kicks himself for not recognizing as a a sign Michael was an alien a lot sooner. Michael leads him into the bunker. Alex takes in the sight of glass chandeliers and light tables and different equations. Michael’s looks are very human, but none of this is. Michael grips a sheet and pulls it back and the least human thing is revealed.

“Is that a—“

“Yeah,” Michael says, leading him over to the craft, “I’ve been collecting pieces, when I put them together the molecules join. It’s like they were never broken. The pieces want to be together.”

Alex can hear the pride in Michael’s voice but it’s hard to wrap his head around this.

“The pieces want to be together,” he repeats, looking at the perfect geometry of the ship, “what are you doing with it.”

“I figure if I can attach it to a vehicle, this should do the rest.”

It’s like being hit.

That’s the only thing that comes close to the air going out of his lungs and the sharp pain in his chest. Michael sounds so proud, looks proud. And anxious. And all Alex can hear is that he’s trying to get out of here. Surely that makes sense right? Alex did the same thing. But he came back. He didn’t go to space. Just far away. Far far away.

“You’re trying to leave the planet,” Alex says.

Michael stares at him and the floor feels like it falls out from under his feet. Again. Maybe that is one of Michael’s powers and not his weakness like he always thought. Something must show on his face because Michael’s features shift from anxious and earnest to full of comprehension. And anger. There’s anger there too. And concern. God, how the hell did this guy keep being an alien a secret?

“I need some—“

“I was,” Michael says at the same time, “I was trying to leave,” he cracks his knuckles and if Alex didn’t feel sick before, he does now, “I thought I had nothing here except some old scrap metal,” Alex’s leg aches, “now—“ he stops, “now I’m not sure.”

“Why didn’t you let Max heal your hand?” He asks.

“I needed the reminder,” he says quietly.

Suddenly the floor isn’t coming out from under him, he’s found the bedrock. The impact hurts. He looks at the spaceship that Michael has built and the hand that he’s ruined, the heart that he’s broken. Maybe Michael would be better a million miles away. In this moment, Alex is more unsure of everything than he thinks he ever has been.

“Why are you showing me this?” Alex asks, “why didn’t you just deny everything?”

Michael straightens up and no longer looks young or afraid or anything like that. He doesn’t look ashamed. Raw, he looks raw Alex realizes. But very sure of what he’s doing. For a man who Alex has always thought is flying by the seat of his pants, he’s constantly amazed at how deliberate Michael is.

“I figure if anyone’s going to destroy me, it might as well be you.”


	4. 1x11: Alex comes back during a later episode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original prompt: can you write something angsty where alex doesnt come home during the show or he comes home much later in the episodes which changes everything? if youre still writing of course!

Isobel approaches brandishing the gun and Max realizes he is going to die.

He cannot hurt her. Her eyes are dead and he just prays that Michael will cover this up too. Spare her from this. It’s the first moment that Max is glad Michael hates him, he won’t be mad at Isobel. This isn’t her fault. He won’t think that for a moment. Max doesn’t know if Michael would feel the same if the positions were reversed but he guesses it doesn’t matter. Isobel stalks towards him and Max tries to make peace.

“Drop your weapon!” 

Jenna comes towards her, gun drawn and gets off a few warning shots. Max wants to tell her to stop but he can’t. Isobel—or the thing controlling her—makes a calculated decision and turns around to run.

She doesn’t get far.

Alex Manes is suddenly behind her. He looks so different, Max almost doesn’t recognize him. He’s seen Alex as a goth kid and a man who looks like his father, but this is an amalgamation of those things. Alex moves fast and before Isobel knows what’s happening she’s on the ground with her hands pinned behind her. Max scrambles up with Jenna’s help, running over as Isobel’s eyes close. If she tries to do something to Alex, it doesn’t work. He doesn’t look surprised and Max feels something cold slip down his spine.

“Are you alright?” 

“Yes,” he says at the same time Jenna does. Alex nods at Jenna and looks at him, not like a friend but guarded. Max looks at the bonds on Isobel’s wrists and the syringe Alex is slipping into his pocket, “what did you give her?” 

“Something that will make her sleep,” Alex says, getting to his feet. Max nods and Alex looks surprised, “I know it wasn’t her.”

“You do?” Max says. 

Alex nods.

“Isobel!”

Alex’s head snaps past Max. Max turns as Michael and Maria come running. The moment that Alex and Michael see each other, the world stops. As dumb and cheesy as that sounds, they both go completely silent. They even have the same stunned expression. Max gets it, honestly. He really does. Liz was in her pom pom antennae and he couldn’t breathe. Alex is standing there in an immaculately tailored black suit. Michael’s in a flannel and jeans but Alex stares at him like he’s the most stunning thing he’s ever seen. It’s like being at prom on acetone. Alex breaks first, shifting his posture and Michael follows, clenching his jaw and walking over to them.

“Alex,” he says, “what did you do to her?”

“I stopped her from running,” he says. Michael snorts and Alex glares.

“That’s ironic,” he says and moves forward even more so he and Alex are right in front of her, “i’ll take her from here.”

“No,” Alex says.

“No?” Michael repeats, “that’s my sister.”

Alex softens just enough that Max understands what that means to Michael. That flies over Michael’s head but Max sees it and the intimacy shocks him. Alex looks regretful but he doesn’t move. Michael looks at the cuffs and his face changes, his entire posture becoming much more aggressive.

“What’s your dad want with her, Alex?” He asks.

“It’s not about her,”  Alex says.

“Right,” Michael smirks, “so you’re not here being a good little soldier,” he looks around, “air force must be giving you guys one hell of a budget. Who’d you have to fuck to get that?”

The tension is already at a high level but it gets cranked up to about a billion and isn’t helped when Alex’s eye glance to Maria and then back to Michael. Maria‘s eyes narrow as Michael scoffs like Alex has no right. Maybe neither do, but that doesn’t change the way they’re looking at each other. On the ground Isobel groans and wakes up.  Whatever strange spell has taken over them seems to break as everyone focuses on her.

But Michael and Alex keep glancing at each other, as if they can’t help themselves. 

Michael drives back to his trailer, fighting not to be badly shaken as he does. Was it really a few hours ago that he thought everything was so much brighter? He and Maria had fully hooked up, she looked gorgeous and wasn’t as defensive as she usually was around him. The door was open. Just a crack, but open none the less. And Isobel was back. God, she was back and she was alright. He and Max were talking. He should have know the proverbial hammer would come down and shatter that happiness. Again. He pulls up to the air stream and gets out. 

He’s not surprised Alex is behind him. 

Of course the super spy has no issue driving in the dark. The black car is sleek and as achingly beautiful as the rest of him. Alex keeps his eyes on him the entire time, as he turns the car off and slides out and walks over. His eyes never leave him. Michael wants. In its purest form, he just looks at Alex and he wants. Answers, explanations, why why is he back now? The door is open, Michael is ready to leave this behind. Or so he thought. But Alex is back again and the string that’s bound them together has gone taut and he can’t move. Alex looks at the truck and softens.

“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?” Michael says.

“I figured you would be long gone by the time I got back,” Alex says, though they both know damn well Michael’s not going anywhere.

“To where?” Michael asks, “somewhere good?”

“Home,” Alex says, “I figured if anyone could find their way off this place, it’d be you.”

Michael can’t breath.

Alex knows.

Fuck him, Alex knows. Alex knows and is still looking at him like that. Like he’s not the monster he always worried Alex would think he was. Of course Alex has lived with monsters his entire life, but Michael never wanted to be one of them. He hates Alex for a single moment, but that hate churns with his own guilt. He always wanted to have his shit together when he saw Alex again. Instead he’s a liar and sleeping with Maria, living in a trailer. None of this is how he wanted it to go. And that hurts a lot more than he wishes it did.

“Is that what you want?” He asks, stepping forward.

“We’re not kids anymore,” Alex says, moving closer, “What I want doesn’t matter.”

“So why are you here?” Michael challenges, trying to ignore the anticipation humming through him.

Alex doesn’t answer in words.

Michael gasps into the kiss roughly, shoving back against him even as Alex pushes him into the side of the car. Of all his grown up fantasies, being kissed against the side of a sports car by a tuxedo wearing super spy version of Alex Manes ranks, well, pretty fucking high. Then Alex licks into his mouth and Michael doesn’t think about fantasies or anything much at all. His world narrows to Alex as he pulls him closer, desperate to have him as close as possible. Alex stumbles and Michael pauses but Alex chases him when he pulls back, pushing his fingers through Michael’s curls. 

Alex pulls away to look to the trailer and Michael nods back, following Alex in. 

They barely get inside before they’re on each other again. In the warm darkness, everything narrows to shadow and sensation as they do their best not to trip. Michael smiles until he feels the tension in Alex. Super spy doesn’t seem to like the territory. Alex doesn’t like being teased either and Michael doesn’t want to risk him leaving, so he pulls him towards the bed. 

“Hang on,” Alex says.

“I got you,” Michael tells him, “its right over here,” he gets Alex over to the bed and is surprised at the tension ramping up instead of dissipating, “Alex?”

Alex kisses him but there’s something desperate in it, like he’s trying to commit this to memory. Like every kiss they’ve exchanged before his deployments. Those aching, desperate presses of lips as they try to memorize each other. Knowing that this might be the last one. Alex pulls back and rests his forehead against Michael’s. Michael fights the sick feeling as Alex cups his cheeks.

“What is it?” He asks, “Alex?”

“I have to show you something,” Alex says, “i don’t want to stop.”

“Nothing’s gonna stop this,” Michael tells him, shocked by the fear rolling off of him, “you know what I am, nothing could be worse than that.” Alex laughs and Michael hears something far too close to a sob, “Alex, what—“

He trails off as Alex pulls him close, fitting their bodies together. Everything lines up. On the side of Michael’s leg, he feels it. Something hard and metal and not Alex. And if he focuses he feels the seam of where Alex ends and the metal begins. The trailer is warm and dark but suddenly there’s no air. Alex shudders and tries to pull away but Michael only holds him tighter. Alex’s breath catches, but it’s Michael who has to fight his emotions. He usually gets some sign from Alex he’s alive. Post cards or glimpses or occasionally emails from addresses he doesn’t recognize. This is the longest they’ve gone and Michael was sure they were done. Not that Alex was dying. Almost died. 

“Alex—“ He doesn’t have the right to ask why Alex didn’t say something. Alex found out he was an alien, neither of them have been honest.

“Please don’t,” Alex says, “just tell me to stop.”

“Never,” Michael vows and kisses him again.

The desperation magnifies as the jack and tie and shirt hit the ground leaving Alex in a dark t-shirt and his slacks. Michael pushes him onto the bed and Alex stares up at him as he pulls off his shirt. They can barely see each other in the darkness but they don’t need to. He only needs the outline of Alex easing himself back and fumbling with his pants to move forward and join him on the bed. 

In the darkness it’s an exploration of a different kind. Alex knows that losing sight doesn’t make your other senses magnify, but he’s always been good at hyper-focusing. Michael has always demanded his attention. His hands are careful and calloused and warm as he touches as much of Alex’s skin as he can, until Alex tugs on his curls and demands that he stop treating him so delicately. Which Michael does, until he gets to the leg. Alex wants to sit up and put on the air of nonchalance that’s been his coping mechanism. But Michael silences everything when he kiss the seam of skin and sleeve. Alex feels his curls and his stubble on a part that he doesn’t even like to touch and the emotion of it makes it hard to breathe. He sits up and guides Michael’s fingers to the mechanism that lets him take the leg off. Michael does and the sleeve follows, but before he can give more attention to his scars, Alex is dragging him up and pulling Michael on top of him, his hips already chasing whatever friction he can get. 

“Later, later,” he swears, “right now—“

Michael swears and kisses him, sliding a hand under his lower back and pushing his hips forward so they’re grinding against each other. It’s delicious and woefully inadequate and they both need so much more. Michael sucks the skin of his collar bone and in the darkness, Alex sees several drawers open and stuff fly and land on the bed within arms reach. Michael pulls from his skin with a wet pop and looks at his face. For the first time, Alex laughs. Michael almost looks wounded, Alex cups his face and kisses him.

“Of all the ways I thought about seeing you use those, getting sex supplies wasn’t one of them,” he says and feels Michael grin against his lips.

“Pretty handy, huh?” Michael says and the smugness in his voice makes all the blood rush south even before his hand cups Alex though his underwear. 

Alex pulls him down again.

By the time they’re done it’s early, early morning and they’re laying together on the twin bed, no longer exploring each other but just touching. Michael strokes his hipbone under the sheet as Alex winds his curls around his fingers. They don’t fit on the bed properly and Alex thanks the god he’s always had a mixed relationship with for the fact that they have no choice but to lie all tangled up together. Michael nuzzles against his chest and Alex exhales tension that’s ruled him for the past years they’ve been apart. There’s so much to do and talk about, but for the moment everything feels right in the world. 

For the first time in years, they sleep through the night. 

In the morning, he wakes Michael up by softly pressing his lips to whatever exposed skin he can find above the sheet. Michael opens his eyes slowly and stretches out, his muscles flexing under Alex’s attention. He turns towards him, cupping his arm. 

“You stayed,” He says and Alex hears the surprise around the sleepiness in his voice. He leans forward and kisses him softly. 

“Yeah,” He says, “I stayed.” 

Michael relaxes against him and Alex pulls him closer, sinking into the warmth. 

“Get the curtains,” he mumbles and Michael smiles before they fall, cutting off the direct light.

They both fall back asleep. 


	5. 1x13: Jesse goes after Alex instead of Kyle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Prompt: can you write a story where jesse manes goes after alex first in the final? always thought it was strange that he considered kyle the bigger threat in the end

Michael is planning to play guitar.

He’s planning to learn to write with his other hand and remember what it’s like to be able to grip things without mind numbing pain. He’s planning on enjoying being able to meet new people and ignore their looks when they see his hand or pass it off on jokes. Maybe he will finally put the past behind him or maybe he will try that rockstar thing he passes off as a joke. He’s got plans. So it’s rotten luck that the first thing he does with his shiny new hand details all of them.

To be fair, Jesse Manes deserves a lot worse than being punched.

But Michael’ll take it.

He lifts the man up by his collar and decks him again. It’s been years since he’s been able to make a fist and it’s not nearly as tight as it should be. He feels ever punch he lands on the man. But he at least remembers enough from his other hand that he keeps his thumb outside and doesn’t break anything as he does it. His hand hurts like a bitch though and the soft, smooth skin tears like it’s his first punch. No more thick scar tissue to protect it. Well it’s worth it as he drops Jesse to the ground. His heart is pounding in his ears. Violence isn’t the answer but damn if that doesn’t feel better than being healed.

It takes him a moment to realize it’s not just pounding in his ears.

He grabs the keys and runs over to the trunk of the car, yanking it open. It’s only adrenaline that lets him leap out of the way as a crowbar jabs up where is chin was a moment before.

“It’s me! Stop—damn it Alex stop!”

The crowbar retreats and Michael comes back over to see Alex laying there with his wrists and mouth bound by duct tape and zip ties. Michael suddenly wants to go back over to Jesse and straight up murder him. Instead he helps Alex out of the trunk and sets the crowbar to the side. Fishing out his pocketknife he cuts through the duct tape on his wrists and the zip ties.

“Sorry, hang on,” he says and picks a corner of the duct tape. He steadies Alex and rips it off, taking any facial hair Alex has with it.

“Where is he?” Alex demands.

“I beat him unconscious,” Michael says.

“Good,” Alex spits.

He looks like he wants to crawl out of his skin but can’t and Michael realizes that when he sits on the lip of the truck, only one foot touches the ground. Alex has gotten so good with the prosthetic, if it’s not a bad day it’s hard to tell he has one at all. Michael’s realized that he’s one of the few people to see Alex without it. But when he glances in the trunk, he doesn’t see the metal that’s almost a part of Alex at this point.

“Where’s your leg?”

“Gone! He had a tracker in it,” he makes a noise of complete disgust, “he was tracking me the whole time.”

Michael looks over his shoulder at the limp form of Jesse Manes and hovers between his overwhelming desire to stay with Alex and the renewed one to lunge at Jesse. It’s Alex who decides, clasping a hand on his shoulder which makes him jump. Alex snatches his hand back with a quick apology but Michael shakes his head, trying to refocus on Alex.

“Just stay with me, okay? I’m—“ He flounders for a moment before cringing, “I can go anywhere.”

It feels like being doused in cold water.

“Oh, shit, yeah,” Michael says, “how do I—“

He doesn’t know how to help him. That’s not new in their relationship, they never seem to choose the right thing in moments like this. Maybe because they’re both painfully stubborn. But they need to try something new. Michael is painfully aware of the fact. So he does the thing he truly hates and asks for help.

“How do I help?”

“Shoulder,” Alex says.

Michael guides Alex’s arm over his shoulder and helps support his weight. It’s the world’s most awkward three legged race. Despite everything he almost smiles at the memory that wells up.

“You remember field day?”

“Oh god,” Alex closes his eyes, “don’t.”

Michael lets himself smile, hearing only embarrassment in Alex’s tone. They had been awkward preteens and paired up for a variety of games like wheelbarrows and relay races and the three legged race where two of their legs were tied together. It was complete hell. Michael still had the brand on his forearm from the exorcism and being paired with the cutest person in school who happened to be a boy was not helpful. Alex had mumbled and looked upset the whole time, which Michael had thought was because he didn’t want to be paired with a poor new kid.

“I thought you hated me,” he says, “I didn’t realize—“

“I hated myself,” Alex says as Michael fights the urge to grip him tighter. Alex frowns at the blood on Michael’s knuckles, “did you punch him?”

“Yeah,” Michael says.

“Why?” Alex asks, looking genuinely confused, “you could put this car on top of him with your mind, why did you hit him?” He stares at him, “have you ever used your powers to hurt someone?”

Alex is smart. Too smart sometimes. Before it was that Michael didn’t want to show his powers for secrecy reasons. But the truth is that when things happen, like monsters slamming your hand with a hammer, it’s hard to remember to keep a secret. Actually the only instinct that seems to override his admittedly flawed sense of self preservation is that he doesn’t want Alex to look at him and see a monster. Even now. Even after everything. Maybe especially after everything. He doesn’t know what Alex’s limits are when it comes to what he can do, and limits change. Michael never wants Alex to look at him and see someone to be afraid of.

“I broke someone’s toe once when I moved a desk,” he says.

“Which was an accident, I’m sure,” Alex says. Michael feels himself blush.

“Speaking of cars—“

“He’s not worth it,” Alex says.

“I don’t know about that,” Michael replies.

“I do,” Alex says firmly before softening, just a little, “just stay with me,” he says.

Michael tightens his grip on Alex and though it costs him to turn away, it’s not as high a cost as it would be to go after him. It’s clear Alex would rather be as far away from the man as possible and after what he said last night, Michael can see why. So he makes the choice to put Alex over revenge. As he looks at Alex he seems to be deflating with every step. Alex hates losing and the losses just seem to keep piling up.

“I guess I gotta make you a leg,” Michael says.

Alex’s head snaps towards him, surprise taking over his features.

“I mean if your dad stuck something in the last one, we gotta be sure right?” Michael wets his lips, “so I guess I gotta make you a leg. I’m gonna need your help though, I never made one before.”

“Any chance you can do it quickly?” Alex says finally. Michael nods and Alex looks relieved, “I might have a few broken ribs,” he admits.

“Jesus, Alex. Your dad’s a nightmare,” Michael says, shifting his grip in case he’s irritating anything.

Alex gives him an almost relieved smile as they keep walking and Michael makes it clear he’s sticking with him.

“Believe me, I know.”


End file.
